Inspiring Self-confidence

How do we lead by example in matters of Confidence?

In various scenarios, with people with very different backgrounds and experience levels, I've come across situations that made it clear that as Leaders, we need not only to genuinely care (if we really want to establish well working relationships) and have a level of increasing Awareness, but also understand how we best apply tact and patience as we contribute to the Journey of others.

Let us explore our own relationship with Confidence to improve our Leadership practice.

individual expressions of confidence

What is Confidence to you?

The word's Latin root is confidere, which means "to fully trust". We mostly describe Confidence also as having Faith in yourself, believing in yourself.

Trust. Have Faith. Believe.

The behaviours through which we express these, mean and invite to: look beyond pure factual data and learn to truly understand how we interpret what we experience and why.

You will find that your interpretation of events will either nourish or damage your corresponding concept of Self.

For lasting positive personal transformation it is vital to locate, change or release destructive patterns, and to learn how not to recreate them.

Points of reflection

How much do you trust yourself, your decisions, in everyday scenarios (habitual thoughts, actions) and is it different in more extreme stress situations?

Are you often criticising the course of action you took, the results you got?

Or regularly dismiss achievements of any magnitude as "not good enough"?

Are you able to see the best in others while you may not be treating yourself the same way?

What forms of appreciation do you have for yourself?

How do you transform any negative mindset now into seeing perceived failure as learning and obstacles as opportunities?

How satisfied are you currently with where you are in your Life - where the sum of your previous decisions took you?

As we make decisions, we interpret the results we are getting. Our approach and thoughts reveal how we relate to the circumstances we create.

Our concept of Self fundamentally influences the way we see the world and our place in it.

How much is our internal process detrimental and overly critical, how much overanalysing and overthinking do we do?

It may vary in our seasons of Life, the environments we are in and the subject of the particular activity. In some areas or at certain times we may be more naturally confident than others.

Learning how much is a healthy amount analysis for us personally and when it becomes pure Self-criticism, is not about defying improvement or refusing to acknowledge what we could do better, or lowering the bar or compromise on the quality of our work or make our goals smaller.

It is to learn the difference between reasonably assessing (balanced with Intuition) what we want to change, eliminate or improve, versus unfairly bashing our every bit of effort, because of Self-sabotaging internal programming.

Remembering that being human may not feel the easiest task occasionally, but we can make it a very rewarding one.

Honing our Mindset to be empowering, is a way to achieve that.

what a Helpful mindset can do

Try this potentially useful perspective: "I either win or I learn."

You'll see how true this feels for you...

There can be times when we are viewing every bit of deviation from the originally envisioned goal as a mistake, a failure. Our failure. When we allow it, this can grow into an internal conversation of Self-blaming that spirals into a gloomy mood. When we allow it, this mood can last. Our lens through which we see ourselves, our Self-concept can get dramatically distorted. We soon start to feel like a failure at everything.

When you have a healthy Self-esteem and your rational thinking is working fine, you recognize how inaccurate (and untrue) this actually is.

This process can be not only stopped midway, but also avoided.

Our approach, our mindset will be an effective tool for that.

Observe your current reaction to perceived mistakes.

How does your Self-talk look like when you feel you made a mistake?

What kind of experiences do you have with thoughts like "I cannot make mistakes", "I am always right", "I don't want to show hesitancy or vulnerability"?

How do you address and behave when someone else makes mistakes?

Do you praise and recognise others? In what form? How much?

How much do you value the effort to risk not being great at something right away?

How much do you value the learning curve of mastering something?

Do any of your current assumptions seem to hinder you trying out new paths of solutions?

We can be at different stages of Confidence, depending on how healthy and robust our Self-esteem is and how familiar we are with the course of action we just took.

A healthy Self-esteem allows for quick recovery after our Confidence is shaken from an undesired event. When it's more fragile, we tend to take longer to recover and feel confident again (with a particular task, skill or overall) .

As Growth Mindset is a finetuned lens through which we can transform our thoughts into positive, reaffirming, solution-oriented ones as they form; it naturally enhances our level of Confidence in Self and that things are working out – precisely because we practice this ability that implies resourcefulness, creative thinking and positive mental attitude.

confidence in the familiar

Why "staying with it" can boost your Confidence.

All things familiar now were once unfamiliar, new, unknown to us. We were beginners at things at some point. Would you say that's an accurate observation?

Sometimes we forget that when an Unknown scares us. Survival instinct kicks in. Comfort zone goes on alert. We forget how much we have learned and experienced already. All that is available to us in our skillset, memory, muscle memory, knowledge, ways of thinking, including actual correlating neural pathways – the physical imprint of that knowledge within our Brain – that were formed at the time of starting out and reinforced with practice.

The muscle analogy is pretty accurate in my experience. Through practise, as the unfamiliar becomes familiar, our Confidence seems to build up.

It can be a concrete skill that we learn to master. The more familiar we are, say, with rock climbing, the more confident we feel with practice, even when we take more risky routes.

It can also simply mean, that the more we train ourselves to be very aware with every decision we make, that as we make it and the result is acceptable, good, great etc., we learn to consciously integrate that recognition, that feeling of Trust in Self into our Self-concept.

We let go of unnecessary doubt and indecision.

We learn to appreciate our own Value.

We learn that valuing ourselves doesn't equate to arrogance.

We learn that Worthiness is a state of being, independent of where we are or what we do.

We learn to trust ourselves more and more.

From small, daily decisions to big, Life-changing ones.

confidence in overcoming the unfamiliar

Which is also the story of how we become more courageous and have encouraging Self-talk.

Those big, Life-changing ones often mean that we dare explore unknown territory.

Our response to the Unknown can be very telling. About our current state of Character that we can hone, if we choose to, a lifelong.

Points of reflection

Do new pathways, new solutions excite you?

Are you someone who does embrace Life as an Adventure? At least, most of the time?

How much of a fear response are you getting when something seems too new, too great to solve, too complex to accomplish?

Are you usually transforming any fear or doubt into creative solutions and as drive for momentum?

What means Courage to you?

How much more courageous do you want to become and why?

We establish a balanced Self-talk that helps us evaluate the happenings in a fair and compassionate way. So that we prepare and strengthen ourselves to overcome challenges, instead of Self-sabotage.

In our inner conversations our filters, beliefs and assumptions play a big role in how we view what's happening. The invitation is to rethink and optimise these.

circle of (what we can) influence

What can you truly amend yourself?

Covey's Circle of Influence concept has proved to be very useful for me for many years now.

I'm an advocate of it.

I realised I could include a current experience here which may feel relatable.

When you feel you are waiting on other players in a process you are in.

When you start getting into assumptions on what could be happening, why things seem to not go "according to plan", it can provide an opportunity to pause and assess whether this type of response to the situation has an impact on your level of Confidence.

Covey strongly advocates for proactive language that we shall use internally and externally, because as he says:

"A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces---other people, circumstances, even the stars---for their own situation."

inner locus of control

Governing your Life more from the inside out.

Closely related to the Circle of Influence.

While external locus of control will mean conforming even if it's destructive to one's Well-being and not being able to cope well with change, tending to have more internal locus of control will mean that we are much better able to adapt and deal with uncertainty.

As you can see, this is highly resonant also with how we show contrast between Growth vs. Fixed Mindset characteristics.

These concepts are really so closely related, because they are, in a sense, about our personal independence. Our independent thinking and the ability to make decisions along the Values that are important to us.

It's the kind of "I am the Master of my Destiny" way of empowered approach to Life: "I make things happen" vs. "things happen to me".

Usually it's a blend of internal and external locus of control in all of us. Our choice, which one we practice more so, which one is more dominantly shaping our Character.

flow

Your individual forms of this optimal state in your human experience.

One of the reasons I was attracted to the topic of Flow was that it's our most natural state of Confidence. The prefrontal cortex goes mostly offline, so our inner critic slumbers.

There are many ways and platforms where struggle and "hard work" are promoted with a narrative that suggests that it's less noble when we achieve things with ease and grace.

I've changed my socially hardwired perspective since and by now I personally like to believe that it's more of a choice how much harder we make things and how much unnecessary complication we introduce into our Lives.

I of course still get very much inspired by personal stories where someone is able to overcome real challenging situations and overturn a seemingly "lost cause". It's a demonstration of the strength of the Human Spirit.

While at the same time I see as equally challenging at times to find ways of living in Flow with ease and grace, despite any mainstream disempowering narrative that suggests that we "can't all live a great Life" or that we "don't have choices" or that we shall simply follow suit with all the marketing messages trying to brainwash us into consumerism and division...

Part of living a Flow-based conscious Life is, to be intentional with what kind of information we let in, basing our decisions on our own Core Values and what truly contributes to the optimal lifestyle we want and find our natural Confidence doing all that, even if circumstances make us feel hard done by – temporarily.

awareness, tact, EQ, patience

Improving our Leadership practice.

That's one of the things we shall practice to remember that moments are eternal (quantum) as well as temporary at the same time. Things pass.

That's why it becomes an important focal point of this Work, to increase our levels of Awareness.

When we feel that times are tough and our Confidence sinks, we make it a habit to

1. pause and rearrange our corresponding thoughts,

2. shift our perspective,

3. keep repeating the application of our chosen new, empowering perspective until it becomes autotelic.

With practice, doubts, indecision, insecurities dissolve more so.

When we are looking for better ways to support a team member, a work partner, we may be able to identify various signs of hesitancy that can be rooted in reduced Confidence – whether it is an overall lack of Confidence in things working out or a lack of Self-confidence, we can explore through a relevant amount of patience and tact.

Whether it's formal Leadership positions, Coaching, Mentoring or in your many social roles, you'll find that #Selfconfidence can't be forced.

True Confidence, when we have a balanced personality, will express in ways that are more in harmony with the environment.

Our adequate Leadership response can make a big positive difference.

By exploring what moves the needle into a desired positive direction for you and opening conversations about it, you can see how you can enable/support people around you to improve their own Confidence, their corresponding Self-esteem.

How this takes form varies by personality.

It's also worth to consider which things undermine Confidence – stop or change those.

Healthy feedback mechanisms help.

As I spoke about the so called "mainstream narratives" previously, we may all interpret that expression with slight variations. Why I find it important to mention right here, because there are many Leadership practices represented in our societal, governmental, organisational set-ups that are less desirable than others. Why can that be?

To me, a crucial component is: intention.

When we look at our responsibilities as Leaders, we need to thoroughly sort through the intentions behind our spoken ideas and actions.

Are they empowering or are they potentially undermining Confidence?

What purpose do they serve?

When someone as business owner aims for profit at any cost – the cost of quality of human relationships, the cost of conscience, of Values like Integrity and Altruism ... many of otherwise cherished principles can be compromised or neglected entirely.

What do we want to stand for?

What do we want to be remembered by?

What is the Legacy we want to leave?

"With realization of one's own potential and Self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world." The Dalai Lama

Working together

The main goal: maintaining and increasing our Quality of Life and Leadership. #innerwork helps identify what truly matters to us.

In this work Personal Growth in at the basis of Leadership Development. I believe that our own improvement makes us better Leaders, with greater positive impact.

This Work promotes discernment and making conscious choices involving intuitive insight, contributing to the ideal lifestyle you want to build. It centers around the idea that a successful, whole and fulfilling Life means, to foster a healthy balance and ideal proportion of: Well-being, resilience, peak performance, optimal habits promoting Flow, increasing Self/Awareness, making progressively better decisions, learning, evolving, leading by example in inspiring and empowering ways as personal positive impact. The compass for choices on all the above are your Core Values and your Life Vision or Bigger Picture – essentially, the lifestyle you want to live that optimally expresses who you are.

Self-reflection points:

How does your ideal lifestyle look like?

What are your most important Core Values?

How much are you compromising on them when you are making decisions?

What feeds your Confidence? Accomplishments? Confirmations of Trust? Mastering challenges?

Which areas of your Life do you feel most happy, content, proud and confident about?

What are those elements in your Life that tend to erode your Self-confidence?

How great is your willingness to improve those things?

What is the Legacy you want to leave behind?

To believe that you can make those choices will be fuelled by your well attuned Self-confidence. Your Trust and Faith in believing that you can.

You can do it all yourself. All of us can.

And there are times when we choose to involve support in our personal Journey.

It can result in accelerated insight and the opportunity to tap into extra encouragement and an external perspective when you need it.

I invite you to continue the conversation within the framework of Coaching and Mentoring, when you've found strong resonance with the aforementioned themes, my style and Values and you want to have facilitation and an accountability partner in this deeply personal process. Utilise the Self-evaluation questions on the website or, when you feel ready, go straight to the Coaching Session preparation form .

If you want to share your ideas around this theme or specific questions about what you are currently focusing on solving-improving, simply send me a message in the meantime.

What kind of new insights have you gained today? Could you eliminate some doubts? Confirmed certain priorities to yourself as you read through? Ignited new light bulbs?

Enjoy your contemplation time and know how much this is a valuable investment: as you learn to improve your Life and Leadership.

#leadbyexample #inspiringleaders

Recommended resources

Today these 4 relative classics for starters – they cover most of the recurring elements related to Personal Growth, Flow, and teach you about the impact of your Mindset.

Stanford psychologist Dr. Carol S. Dweck's work is especially valued in the realm of Mindset work. Her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (How You Can Fulfil Your Potential) is an essential read and regularly referenced in this topic.

Stephen R. Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change contains the concept of the Circle of Influence and other fundamental ideas that remain key pillars of Self-development.

Mihály Csíkszentmihályi Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience is all about how your level of Flow can optimally change your Life – what it is, how to access, maintain and increase it. The entire process is permeating my Coaching work and guidance to increase our Quality of Life.

Dr. Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One is a book about Consciousness, Mind-Body connection and is a scientifically backed up explanation that can convince even otherwise unpacifiable sceptics that we have the ability to change for the better – if we really want and decide to. This is a book for our bookshelf to be read and re-read, as we more and more integrate the knowledge we gain from it and start to deeply understand ourselves and human dynamics through it.